amyHELLER | my paperie sweets & me

October Afternoon | Monday Challenge

Hey everyone! I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day! I had a terrific one - my husband and kids did just what I asked, which was, to clean out and up the kids' rooms, we had lunch at Chipotle and followed that up with a trip to Ikea to finally get some organizers for my craft space that never got finished from last summer after the basement reno. That in addition to kickboxing for me, karate and soccer for the little man, made it a very full weekend indeed. 
This weekend, I even had a chance to play along with Danni's challenge for the October Afternoon blog today, and here's a sneak peek at my project using the new collection, Travel Girl. I am so enamoured with the colors in this collection. They really make me happy. If you want to check out today's challenge and perhaps give it a go, make sure to check out the post over at the October Afternoon blog to learn all about the challenge. I hope you play along!

Teacher Appreciation Week

This past week was Teacher Appreciation Week for my kids' schools. Typically I make an elaborate memory book, and this year would have been for my son's first grade class. But between my volunteer work that I'm now doing and helping organize a school carnival that's taking place next week, my time has been stretched to the max, so I was only able to make a card for each of my kids' teachers. Here's a look at what I came up with.

This one was for my daughter's male teacher. He's fantastic.This was for my daughters' other teacher, who's her language arts and reading teacher. She's just as wonderful. 

Lastly, for my son's 1st grade teacher who's favorite color is green I put this fun card together. I still love all of my October Afternoon Report Card and Schoolhouse products. I'm running low on them, and I'm going to be so sad when I can't make my teachers these fun cards with those products. 

Speaking of October Afternoon, I'll be on the OA blog on Monday along with Danni with a fun challenge for you, so make sure to check that out. I also have a couple layouts that I did for fun a few weeks ago, that I need to share. So I'm hoping once this school carnival is over this upcoming week, I'll get those posted for you as well. 

Thanks so much for stopping by! I hope you have a wonderful day, and for the mothers out there have a wonderful Mother's Day and squeeze those babies tight! 

October Afternoon :: Sketch Challenge

Hi all! I'm back up on the October Afternoon blog today with a sketch challenge! I'm using some pieces from the all-new collection Travel Girl! 
It's so new, that we were only given a few pieces to work with - not even production samples - so I had to do all sorts of fussy cutting, which was a fun jump back into working. AND it was a great reminder that I need some new scissors!! :) Thanks so much for stopping by and make sure to play along with the sketch! Can't wait to see what you create :)

Coming Back :)

Hi all. As I prepare to return to blogging and creating again next week for October Afternoon, I thought I would share a little something with you - I'm on the cover of Scrapbook Trends for May 2013. :)
Back in January, while I was still very much in grieving and barely able to keep it together on a daily basis, I received an email from Paige Evans, asking if I would like to be on the cover of the May issue  with this layout. It happens to be one of my very favorite layouts - featuring both of my kids, and using one of my favorite collections from October Afternoon -  Sidewalks..

When I read the email, I hesitated, as I wasn't sure if I should be, (or could be) celebrating or sharing my two, healthy, beautiful children, when so many of my friends lost their's in December. I, along with so many of my friends have dealt with survivors guilt in the wake of everything. But, I deceided that I would send in my page anyway, with the hope that by the time that the issue came out, that I would feel better about sharing happy memories with the world again. I am glad I did.

After a lot of thought, and grappling with terribly conflicting feelings, I do feel like I need to continue to celebrate my life, my children and hopefully inspire others to do the same - here in Newtown, and beyond. This doesn't mean, I'm free and clear and have somehow returned back to the person I was before this tragedy, no, not at all. But I do feel I need to set an example for my children that even though you live through something terrible, unimaginable even, it's your obligation, as someone blessed enough to be living; to live fully, love fully, give fully of yourself and remain ever thankful and humble of your blessings, because in a moment, that can all change.

So, with that, I hope that you will again, find my blog a source of inspiration, as I venture into this next chapter of my scrapping career - where ever that may take me at this point. Starting next week, I'll be back throughout the month of May with several projects for October Afternoon, and I cannot wait to share them with you!

Thank you again, to everyone for your continued support. Every word you've provided me, has helped me along in this journey, and I can't thank you enough. Big hugs to you all!! See you next week! ;)

Baby Steps

This week will mark the 4-month anniversary. Four months that have elapsed, and yet some days feel like no time has passed, like it just happened. Some days it feels like an eternity.

Over the past couple weeks I've been feeling a different portion of my healing process, that I wasn't sure I'd ever achieve - moving forward, slowly. I am starting to see a place where I do things that I did before in my life, however in just a much more balanced way.

December 14, 2012, ended the life as I knew it, in so, so many ways. I won't go into all the things I've been doing the past 4 months, as I feel a major sense of protection for everyone in our community. Even now as I write this, I have emerging and conflicting feelings - anger, bitterness, deep sadness for the gravity of loss so many here are experiencing, including myself. Yet, I'm beginning to feel my own need to get back to some of the things that make me who I am, to the things that fufill my heart. It's still a heavy feeling because there is such a sense of anguish and guilt for doing anything that takes me back to my pre-December 14th life. I just have to keep reminding myself, the mantra that our town has embraced "We Are Newtown. We Choose Love." If I am to live my life by that mantra, I have to continue doing what I love and make certain that I learn to balance that with those things that my "new" life requires of me and my time, which could easily be a full-time job. It won't be easy, that I know.

This past weekend, I went to a crop for about 5 hours. It was a 3-day event. I knew I wasn't ready for that kind of marathon of scrapping, so I just went on Saturday for a few hours. I hadn't moved one single thing off my desk or craft are since December. Everything was covered in Christmas product and unfinished projects. I gathered what I could, and two photos I hadn't scrapped yet, and made my way to the event. I was so glad to have this as my first scrapping experience since - in a neutral place, not my area where I was when I received the news. It took me a good couple hours to get into my first page, but after 5 hours I was able to nearly complete 2 layouts. It was progress. 

I will leave you with this. On the morning of 12/14, at the time that I got the infamous "reverse 911" call from our school district telling us that there was a shooting, this is what I was working on. I've only shared this with a very few people. As those children were being murdered in their classroom, these are the words that came to me.
I have clung on to the fact that these are the words I was focused on during those awful few minutes for those poor babies. I'm not sure if it was a sign that all would be alright, but I choose to believe that it means there is room for hope.

I haven't opened this file since that morning. And I'll be honest, I'm not sure I'm ready to embrace "Joy" yet, but I am ready to start the process of finding Peace and Love again.

Lastly, I just want to say "Thank you" to everyone who left me comments, prayers, thoughts throughout this terrible, terrible time for me, my family and my community. Thank you for sending cards, letters, snowflakes, toys, quilts, scarves, pillowcases, poems, artwork, resources, your childrens' artwork, handmade hearts, handprints and the thousands and thousands of other things that you all sent to our community. I will tell you from personal experience, it was tremendously appreciated and so, so overwhelming. The outpouring was nothing short of a landfall of love, from all over the country and the world. Like nothing I've ever experienced.

I live in Newtown

Photo from a candlelight vigil my friends and I from our MOMS Club coordinated for three of our friends/members who lost their children. 

I've always tried to keep where I lived close to me. It seems that I have to let you all know. I live in Newtown, Connecticut. We have lived here for the past 6 years. We CHOSE Newtown to raise our children. We CHOSE Newtown for it's fantastic schools. We chose it here for its safety. We chose it here for it's community and family-centered living. We chose it because it is beautiful. 

The last 12 days have been some of the worst of my life. For so many of my friends, it is and will forever be the worst.

20 babies the same age as my son were brutally murdered in their classroom. Friends of ours lost their babies. Playmates of my son, lost their lives. A siblings in my daughter's class lost their sister. MY daughter's piano teacher lost her son. It could have been my son's classroom. He is in 1st grade. Those of us here in town, know it could have been any of our kids in those classrooms. We are a tight community that always run into each other at various activities for our kids. We are intertwined.

Over the last week, I have witnessed the worst grieving I've ever thought possible. At the same time I've also seen the most lovely in people. I've been to too many wakes and services. I've seen the streets of our small town overrun with media and police escorted processsions, one after the other it seemed, of those we lost. I looked into the eyes of mothers, my friends, who had to bury their babies. I wept with them, I wept with countless old and new friends who are also grieving. The gravity is so heavy. The complexity of emotion so deep. The layers and layers of grief seem to be exposed even more with each passing day. 

I've had to tell my kids that they have lost friends. I've had to explain why my daughter had to stay under a table with the rest of her classroom for 1 hr and 45 minutes before it was clear that there wasn't another gunman on the loose where her school was-near Sandy Hook on that terrible Friday. I have had to explain, why  there are so many police in town. Why there are armed ploice outside and inside their schools. I've had to watch my children grieve, in their own way, both in weeping and in acting out, the only way they know. I've had to watch my kids clutch therapy dogs for their own comfort and then turn around and comfort ME as I lay numb or sobbing - one of the two most frequent emotions over the last couple weeks. No one should have to have these conversations with their 6 and 10 year olds. Innocence has been lost. The very thing we wanted for our kids, torn away. For that I'm angry.

I am personally struggling on how to return to this place here on my blog - to celebrate and endorse beautiful memory keeping of life, when so many of my friends won't have any more memories with their babies. My priorities have shifted for certain for me. I'm not sure where it leads me right now. 

I know there are many of you who have asked how can you help? There are a ton of funds out there right now and honesly, I haven't had the time or energy to look them all up. One that I am aware of is through Newtown Youth and Family Services, our local established non-profit for families here in town. There is a link there for donations. Please remember those who have siblings left behind, and the babies who were at the school that day - so many children in town have been through an unimaginable hell and will need support for a very long time. 

Please hug your children. Pray for peace. Hope that love will always be stronger than violence.

On the 12th Day of Christmas . . .

I thought I'd give to you - my first freebie digital print file!

I was creating pages for my Winter album and found that I was missing an element that I wanted and this little file was the result. Simple clean, and adaptable! It's sized for fitting into 3x4" pockets, but of course you can use it for layouts and cards, too! To download, simply click on the image above and save as, or click here and save as - it is a PDF file and should open up simply in your PDF reader on your computer! 

  Here's just some of the ways you can use this little file. It's a great size for adding Thickers, letter stickers or even ephemera for your own customizable sentiment.

I hope you like this simple little card as much as I do! If you do decide to use it, link me up to your project here! I'd love to see it! :D

InLinkz.com

Thanks for stopping by and have a super day! :D